Everything will be okay

i've found mr. cute

2012-01-29T07:40:00.001-08:00

when all hopes seem to be lost; trust in the Lord.

major decisions to be made tomorrow.

as much as i am afraid everything may turn out to be regretful,

i realised i focus too much on trying to beat everyone around me, when i myself have yet to beat myself.

haha, such a joke ehh;

may be decision making is part of the growing up process,

may be, i will be much better after it.

but i promise i will not look back and regret.

if i really can't cope with things, why not lessen the burden.

hahahah, i may sound strong here, but i know very well myself that i am not.

true confession; i cried. :/

back to the reason why i wanted to blog.

recently, there is this mr cute, which i call,

who is always there to encourage me, to spur me on.

and i am HONESTLY, GRATEFUL towards that person!

AWESOME! :P

if that person every reads this, i'll be embarrassed..

HAHAH. thanks for encouraging me, being there to listen to my 7 plus text pages long of text. thankyou! :)

maybe in life, when someone important leaves you, God will bring another angel into your life;

let me go; please

2011-12-27T06:06:00.000-08:00

why..
is hurting me really that fun, treating me as a substitute.
you expect me to sympathise you;
den when are you going to do the same
i have already made up my mind,
what have you done?
keep on giving me FALSE HOPE.
what do you want me to do...
where did i do wrong? :/
i don't wanna do this anymore... really.

broken;

2011-12-19T07:47:00.000-08:00

honestly, i feel so @@@@QWFABWF
LOL.
YOU LIAR. YOU ARE THE BIGGEST LIAR!
okay, i hate my mixed feelings.
okay, i seriously dunno where else to find my motivation.
i've been down the past 2 months..
GOSH.
i feel like i am in hell.
except for 17 and 18 december.
thanks peeps; btw.
can i pretend?
hahah! so cool lorh!
FAUSTINA TAN= MISS TAN'S COUSIN. :p

happy ever after;

2011-12-19T07:35:00.000-08:00

the pretty teacher/bride! <3

dear ms tan/mrs soh,
thankyou for all the past 3 years of chemistry and sciences with us.
from 1e2, 2e2 , 3e1 and next year 4e1!
thankyou for loving us, caring about us and helping us with each question that seems almost impossible to understand and do!
remember to always be happy, stay loving with your dearest hubby and put God first in you marriage.
hahah. i doubt you'll ever read this, but we love ya! :) hahah
<3 you really are very beautiful, p.s. your hubby quite handsome ah!! :P hahah!

18 december, a day after my birthday (17 december)
ms tan, chemistry teacher got married! :)
kind enough, we were invited to this beautiful wedding to witness her and her loved hubby getting married.
it was uber romantic! :)
the journey to and fro was pretty long but we (pearlyn, yingxuan, shiyin, nerissa, o.xinrui, suyee and pris) enjoyed ourselves.
snapping at one another! ^^
met yixuan and daryl there!
hahah. had lots of fun, felt that love was in the air!
so AWESOME.

2011-12-16T08:49:00.000-08:00

happy birthday to me. LOLOL! :)
yep, i promise myself that today will be no tears, and laughter all the way!
although i cried a few minutes before the clock struck 12,
i am still grateful and thankful for my family and my friends who stood by me! :)
God, thankyou for 17 december.
thankyou for all the ups and down the past 15 years.
i want to grow up to be a godly woman.
God, i love you.

thanks for everyone in my life;
although i do not have him,
but i have everyone else!

2011-12-14T07:23:00.000-08:00

BYE HORRIBLE NOVEMBER! :D

i had a pretty good days in december.

3 more days to me growing one year older.

hehe.

JET LAG YO!!

thailand is awesome, especially tuk tuk.

okay, lets make things clear.

before leaving for the trip,

i made up my mind and told him to always be happy and i said BYE TO HIM.

-GOOD JOB TNYY- :)

class chalet was FUN ; EPIC ; EMOTIONAL ; FIGHTS ALONG; BUT I LOVE THE PEOPLE (CLASSMATES)

HEHE.

will blog about it when i am back~

happy ending to november!

2011-11-30T07:43:00.000-08:00

i have conquered the world!

at least december ended well with all those loving memories with guides!
photos will be uploaded later,
cause blogger is kinda~~~ hahah
i had awesomely fun time with 4 pretty girls; yongyi, yixuan, alicia and siewhui!
HAHAH.
who knows sitting the red and blue rides would be so COOL!
and today i ate an pathetically HUGE double cheese burger!
full to the max!
had fun like seriously!
wanna enjoy the feeling of flying,
go universal studio singapore! :D
i still can feel the after effects of all the rides i took.
i feel that i am still moving!
at least my november ended well! after what had happen during the middle of the month. :X

welcome december, please be good on my birthday month! <:
so packed for the first 3 weeks of december.
time, PLEASE DON'T PASS SO FAST!!
hahah.
will be going for holiday soon.
hope by the time november ends, 7 more mins,
i can really let him go, ahah

i'm nobody right eh?

2011-11-28T06:48:00.000-08:00

i hate myself for being so stupid. i hate myself for not meeting the expectations of everyone around me, including myself. i often question myself about the methods i used. i tried really hard, i went all the way, but in the end.. it's the disappointments i cause among people's lives. i guess i am nothing. i can't do things right. i always do things to hurt the people around me, even if i really don't want to.. i am timid, i am inferior as compared to the two of them, as compared to my friends. but i really don't want to be this way.. why, how, what, can i do. i hate this lost, low self esteem feeling. but can i really do things right? WHAT A JOKE I AM.

i miss you like crazy monkeys in banana trees. i am not perfect. you have moved on, and i am still hanging like a monkey. if only elephants like me, have the inner strength as huge as their size, i would really be thankful. i am tired, will you be there? i miss you.

why do i always feel that the only time you cared about me is for the results. WHY AM I SO DUMB. i am sorry that i have let you down. why? can't i be like other smart people. i worked so hard, what have i gotten. will miracles do happen? i hold on so long, i am hurting. no wait, i am dying. do i have any other choice.. God, can you love me even if i am such a disappointment, even if i can't meet the expectations of you, of the people.. please. just love me more. i hate the feeling of loneliness, i hate the feeling of letting other people down. i am useless, aren't i? i tried my best already; i don't want to do this anymore. i am tired, really am..

those months, we walked together;

2011-11-25T07:40:00.000-08:00

the 17th day, you've moved on.

i know it's never going to come true.
i know the promises you made, will never come true.
i know i should stop, let my feelings die, but i really dunno how.
i thought everything will be alright, when you left, and it would be easy.
but everything was wrong.
i told myself, "time is the antidote to those feelings". i am doing nothing but deceiving myself.
i want you to be happy, that's all.
will you ever think back, look back, at those precious memories we once had?
i guess the answer is no.
you have her, and i guess those memories will be replaced.
but to me, those are treasures. man-made ones. made with laughter, with sincerity.
do you remember, the words, the promises, the gifts, the time that belonged to both of us.
who am i kidding,
the answer is...
no~ HA HA.
i just want the very best for you; be happy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
when everything feels so helpless, feels so diminishing, i pray to God, for a friend.
but i realised everything is different.
who will ever be there, to realise my worth, to recognise my presence.
no one, i guess..
i seem only to be a friend to you, but am i really one;
what a pathetic person i am,
HA HA.
thanks for the hidden lies, thanks for not showing the truth to me.
i'm sorry for not being the friend you need, you want.
i know no amount of sorry-s will change things between us.
just be strong,
if my presence would only cause you to be upset,
i'll disappear, i promise.
i will, and i have to learn to live a life alone;
i just want you to give me a hug, hold my hand, and tell me everything will be okay.
i miss us, my friend.

不管发生什么事，你还是要幸福

2011-11-21T05:28:00.000-08:00

你还是要幸福.

如果我的放弃能换取你的快乐，你的幸福，那么我拧越一个人承受全部的痛。。

我想，你跟她会比较幸福。

no matter what happens, just promise me that you will always be happy.

cherish her.

让我们所拥有的过去当作我一生中的好会议吧。

我好想你。

i am sorry, i really don't know what it will take for me to let go.

but even so, just be happy.

may be one day i will accept the fact that you are gone, forever.

but i still hold on to a hope that, one day, will be like before.

although i know it's impossible..

dear mind, please stop thinking about him,

dear heart, stop crying over him,

dear tears, stop flowing for him,

dear tnyy, get over him, cause everything is over;

2011-11-04T07:40:00.000-07:00

i guess i've lost the important thing in my life; you.

life, can really be such a joke.
it brings you all the way up,
and it takes you all the way down too.
here's the thing.
it's the 2nd.
and we're not talking anymore.
the first time i felt for you, has never changed.
and it will never change any sooner.
but if you're happy, i guess i will let you go.
hahah, all the best.
i am strong; i hope.
a torture from life, can really turn everything around.
i lost the tears from my eyes,
but it is silence.
may be, i was wrong from the start.
i am not strong at all.
world's crashing, i've lost my pillar of support.
God, are you there?
i really need you,
how down more can you get; life.
i'm not perfect, i don't have confidence, i can't.
can i really let go?
can i really give up?
press on;

hypophrenia: a feeling of sadness seemingly without a cause.
how great.

expectations;

2011-11-01T08:18:00.001-07:00

You know what,
i am tired of trying to be your perfect little girl.
i give up.
i feel that even before you start giving me your bloody shit attitude, please REFLECT.
the words you two have spoken,
unfortunately for you and me, I HAVE HEARD IT.
wah, imagine hearing such discriminating words from you.
I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.
i am tired.

i won't survive another goodbye,

2011-10-27T09:03:00.002-07:00

as much as it takes for me to be strong, it just take a small simple matter to tear me into pieces.
it does not mean that i am alright if i look strong.
it does not mean that i am okay if there's a smile on my face.
I HATE HATE YOU.
get it.
thousands of things going through my mind, and i simply can't comprehend them.
i thought i could survive another goodbye,
but i was simply wrong.
FREAK YOU.
i'm tired of trying,
i'm sick of crying,
i'm really rotting deep inside.
how, tell me how, can i FREAKING stop myself.
i'm scared.
scared of the results,
scared of going deaf.
who can i turn to?.
i am TIRED. .

sometimes, i just wanna be ordinary;

2011-10-21T19:54:00.000-07:00

No;
i don't want any high positions in the sky,
i just wanna be normal, for once.
i wonder why do i care so much about the way people judge me, how they looked at me.
those big scary looks they give me..
i just want to be happy for once,
not to be treated like a toy.
i guess you would never understand the pain, cause you are always the one going around using people.
please, just let me off...

i'm just a substitute;

2011-10-15T21:30:00.000-07:00

how naive can one get;

i really don't wanna go on deceiving myself.
i'm just a substitute for her right?
i'm really tired of trying,
trying to get you back.
i really miss you.
may be someday when it all happens,
den i'll learn to be strong.
HAHAHAHAH.
i wanna cry, stupid little girl like me;

a million years to let go;

2011-10-13T02:45:00.000-07:00

1st. happy birthday twinneh; Alicia Tan! :D

We sure have been through lots of ups and downs over the past 3 years, fighting for dunno how many million times! :( hahha, but we never fail to patch.
Happy birthday little girl, you're older now. prettier, cutter, stronger, smarter! :P hahah
STAY HAPPY, BE HAPPY.
i just wanna apologise for the many times i failed as a friend; best friend (if i am:P) .
thanks for always being there for me when i need it.
present would give you ... SOON! :) heheh. Loveya!

2. happy birthday superwoman; Pearlyn Goh

hey girl, it is really been a blessing to know you. from strangers to such awesome and close friend.
Happy birthday girl! Stay strong, smile always! heheh
yep, sorry about the times i failed as a friend, changing so drastically over the years.
you never fail to pull me, hold on to me. thanks!
continue to be happy, loveya!

Love ya! ^

it's always good to have you all by my side, giving me the support. hope it would last, girls.

AWESOME PEOPLE (^)

the people with the bear? hahah.
they are my study buddies,
they never fail to love me when i got betrayed/backstab. hahah
they are always there.
jiayou for o-levels alrightyyyy!! :D

A good friend, mr. camel. LOL. last longgggg~~~~
hey. i'm finally back from those 24hours studying thing.
on the train, on the bus, even when i'm walking.
i'm currently down with a fever. BOO much.
hahah. but who will care?
no one, i just i got to learn to be independent.
i remember having you by my side, to hold me, and to tell me those caring words.
i guess as i seem to be letting go of you, for all i know, i can't.
i miss you.
jiayou in your final lap of studies.
and i'll always have you in my mind. hahahah.
*hope you don't see this post* loveya

addicted;

2011-08-26T05:36:00.001-07:00

been urging myself,

but been resisting.

i guess i can't go on this way, or else my results will suffer eh?

hah.

and what is the point,

when i don't even feel a sense of belonging,

how great of a life. :X

D-umbo will never give up;

2011-08-25T05:26:00.000-07:00

what a week,
even though i see you around in school, right next to me, i still can't smile at you.
is this what i want?
hah. apparently not.
but i am going to press on,
life without you will still be the same.
IT WILL BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU.

alright, -throws topic away-
i failed my PHYSICS. -.-
first time,
not expecting much for biology,
really really pray hard that assignments can pull me up.
AHHHHHH,
studies are killing the hell out of me~ depressed muchhh.
seriously, why some people can don't study and do so well?
AHHHHH..
i'm depressed.

STRESS

2011-08-20T06:47:00.000-07:00

Had one of the worst week in my life;
he not talking to me,
i crying a couple of times,
and lastly with everyday ongoing tests.
seriously,
sunday mug for chem.
in the end, only 14/25. pretty much disappointed with myself.
haha, i really dunno what to do, lost without any directions.
monday mug for emaths.
oh great, i realised i got a lot of things i don't understand about maths.
i really don't get what is wrong with me, i wasn't like that for the past 2 years of secondary school!
tuesday (one of the worst day),
i haven't done any notes for biology, and i had 2 BIG chapters, worth 50 pages i think, to MEMORISE!
mdm loh said that she mark 10 scripts, and 2 failure already.
GREAT, cross fingers that mine isn't that. LIKE A MIRACLE.
wednesday, WOW.
HUMANITIES DAY!
okay, i admit, i spend most of my time on social studies and guess what,
it was an open book test -.-
and in the end, i got was 10/20 for geog.
I'M SUCH A DISAPPOINTMENT.
(he hasn't message me at all)
*he, isn't related to me, not even a friend now.
thursday,
physics studying day!
glad that i finished my notes during the weekends, and i only had to read and understand.
really thank God for my brother, who answered all my silly question on physics.
hah, in the end.
physics test, i did not manage to complete my PAPER~
-.- 5 marks fly away~~~
OH GOSH,
and i have to copy chapter 11 of geog, TWICE.
GREAT, HOW GREAT CAN MY WEEK BE.
and on friday, WORST.
i really don't know what to do.
but from my complains, i learn that i should just commit unto God, and thank Him.
at least i learned something. *always look on the bright side of life*
i am completely stress out by apparently EVERYTHING.
monday having 3 more papers, on the same day.
AWESOME MUCH. physics, chem and geog.
-.- KILL ME SOMEBODY~
tuesday, amaths.
WHAT A LIFE.

i wanna give up;

2011-08-08T05:29:00.000-07:00

a picture speaks a thousand words;

you're the greatest jerk i ever met,
bring me away to a far away land, i don't wanna see you anymore.

it may just be short;

2011-08-05T06:20:00.000-07:00

i realise how much someone can make me so happy.
but i also found out that that very same person can make turn my world upside down.
happiness,
-has a short life
-can reborn again (come and go)
-it has to be cherish
-once gone, it may never come back again
-when you're really happy, nothing can stop you~

hey, i realise how happy i've been.
but i know i am just deceiving myself.
i will let go,
but till then, i am going to cherish you.

take me away in a hot air balloon..

2011-07-28T02:34:00.000-07:00

a far away place..

tired, exhausted. so much things happening to me, and i hate them!

what is going to happen to me,

i am dying, i wanna runaway.

just bring me away from this place that hurts, so freaking badly.

i hate what i see!! do you understand?

NO, YOU'LL NEVER WILL.

cause all you freaking care is about her, and YOU'RE DOING IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME!

WTF . who do you think i am?

your substitute? OH NO.

i am such a fool, believing you over and over again....

FREAK LARH!

I'M SUCH AN IDIOT.

I HATE YOU, STUPID IDIOT. ):X

B-e-a-utiful;

2011-07-22T06:33:00.001-07:00

i am dumbo the elephant, very stupid, naive.

many stories to tell recently eh.

let's start all from the start.

1. giving up, a must or a choice?
since day 1, i told myself to give up on you, but all the more i can't.
i hate myself!
seriously, when will i stop being so naive,
i guess my mind is just going all the way out for you, without expecting much back from you.
am i right? am i doing things right?

2. studies are more important,
i am not going to let anymore unnecessary things affect my mood to study,
determination.
been kinda doing recently, totally affecting my studies. :(
crydieme!

3. you've changed.
stop treating everyone as your servant or some toy.
we are not there for you to play with girl.
amazing how much someone can change eh, in such a short period of time. LOLOL.
disappointed.
so please,
shut up and drive~~

3. having low self esteem;
i am having this funny and idiotic thoughts in my head that i am stupid, ugly, not a good friend.
all this just come naturally,
which i must say by what happens in school,
and most of the time when i do self reflection.
honestly speaking,
self reflection is seriously one good way of telling yourself which direction in life you are heading, and whether or not you are getting out of the direction, and turning yourself back to the track.
emo a little.
used to be a happy girl, and now, i look forward to being one again..

it's such a joke,

2011-07-09T08:27:00.001-07:00

i can't expect much from my life anymore.

i really dunno what is becoming of me.

why am i such a bitch?

i am starting to not know myself anymore.

i keep telling myself that my life do not revolve around me,

and i keep on telling myself that even if you were to choose others and not me,

i'll be okay, cause i have God.

but i dunno why,

i keep on having thoughts that i am the one.

where did i go wrong?

i really really dunno.

everything has change.

i really dunno how to adapt to things.

faking in front of me,

sorry i can sense things person.

i really can.

and i am not some sort of substitute which you can treat.

even no matter how much i love you.

don't you get things now?

i told myself, it is the last i can do.

but am i stopping myself? no.

oh goshhh, my life.

GOD!

self reflections bring one further

2011-07-03T09:23:00.000-07:00

this dearest superwoman, i miss you truck loads<3

i miss blossom! <3

hi bitch, i miss you! <3

i miss this twinneh so much! (look down) <3

honestly, i miss this babe a lot! <3

honestly i miss those days, A LOT! :(

recently, i have been doing a lot of thinking , so much that i realise my tears can hold up to like 5 big pails of water.

actually i am glad i did self reflection,

cause i did not know how much i suck, until i did so.

To all my best friends/friends out there:

i know no matter how much i tell you all that i am sorry, it's not going to remove all the hurt i did unto you all, but sincerely, I'm sorry.

i know i've not been an ideal friend, one that you all like.

but i realise, all those changing and stuff is not going to change things, it will make me drift away from you all more. so, i am in the searching of TNYY, please, don't give up on me!

and, honestly speaking,

P.G, W.C, Y.K, S.Z, L.Y, A.T:

i really really love you all a lot, and you guys are really important to me.

my life is nothing without you 6, i love you all.

and i sincerely tell you that i am sorry.

and i don't want to hide anything, notice that this is on a public blog.

I love you all, you all are part of my life.

i just wanna thank you all for being there always for me, always.

and lovelies, forgive me, for not being the good friend that you want.

i'm sorry .

Love, TNYY :)

WAH.

2011-06-28T02:14:00.000-07:00

it's really hard to keep a room that big filled with so many things (gadget poles, food items, stationary, charcoal wood and many more rubbish) clean can.
i don't even bother much about my room, let alone this big room.
each time i spend 2 days cleaning up, and another person comes to mess it up.
i am so extremely tired of cleaning, cleaning and cleaning.
who understands.
i am at fault?, ~ O.O
what can i do? -.-
SIANNNNNNNNN~~

yeah, i understand..

2011-06-24T08:11:00.000-07:00

the light house i'm looking out for, one that gives me hope in darkness

YA LARH!

like i have any choice.

i totally got 0 level of mood to study.

but studying is the only way to distract myself from what's happening in life.

i finally understand what i mean to you.

i finally understand.

someone who you got to know later than me turns out to be better.

i'm not perfect.

i'm not expecting much anymore.

no point.

the greater you expect, the greater disappointments eh?

i don't want to be perfect, i just wanna be a happy girl!

but i'm currently not~ WHY?

AHHHHHHHH~ kill me somebody!

Airplanes

2011-06-23T08:30:00.000-07:00

Aem, i miss you to the max, and the 8 people! <3

i've been thinking quite a bit recently.
haven't really thought fully, will continue...

should have know eh?

2011-06-09T09:05:00.001-07:00

i miss laughing with this group of funnypeople!

IT HURTS! HURTS A LOT!!
i dunno what i should do!
oh Father, please show me the way.
i'm really tired, exhausted.
i really am lost now.
i should not have started it.
i should have persevere right from the start.
i had enough,
time to put all this to an end, it's time.
reality really hurts, really harsh.

Naive little girl

2011-06-08T23:12:00.001-07:00

i guess it's affecting me more than i have expected eh?

totally no mood to do homework,
can't get the answer, or is i am simply not concentrating. :(
FAIL. :X

letting go may just be a better option

2011-06-08T19:34:00.000-07:00

Jesus, take the wheel. cause i can't do this on my own.

i realise recently i have been blogging a lot. ~
if that is a good thing.

choosing to let go, decision made at 10.32 .
i promise, this time i am serious.
i don't have the choice do i?
hah.
喜欢一个人，就是要放手，让他幸福，对吗？
ya, it's going to be really hard.
but what choice do i have yeah?
放弃了。

reality hurts

2011-06-08T06:03:00.000-07:00

i know that all this is just a dream, that will never come true.

i am really afraid.
reality, the truth is really too harsh for me to handle.
if i had the choice, i would choose to not do it..
I REALLY CAN'T!
deceiving oneself is probably the best way for me to get over things isn't it?
or is it just the silliest way of cheating myself.
you still love her, and that's not going to change.
no matter how hard i wish, it will NEVER change.
so...
TNYY, time to let go.
it's time, it's hard, you have no choice.

dumb dumb,

2011-06-08T02:00:00.000-07:00

i finally know the feeling of being force not to like the one that i like.

i know i can't.
but what can i do.
i can't stop myself, if i can, all this won't happen.
I AM LIKE THE DUMB-EST GIRL IN THE WORLD.
i have to stop myself, but i simply can't.
what to do, fish myself.
I HATE IT!!
God, why! why am i like that.
everything i do is wrong, even this kind of thing!
yeah, i know, i am just not worthy of you aren't i?

helpless

2011-06-08T01:21:00.000-07:00

i feel so helpless now~

when i suddenly see her fall in the bus,
i was stoning there,
i really did not know what i was suppose to do.
i was shock. she fell, and there was a loud bang on the head.
i stare at her,
everyone was rushing to help her,
all i did was stone and i felt really scared.

what exactly is wrong with me!
fish.
i feel totally guilty right now,
i doubt i can sleep.
she is old, an old lady.
she fell HARD on the floor, banging her head against the pole,
and i did nothing.
was that girl who saw the scene really me??
I AM TOTALLY DISAPPOINTED!!!
gosh, i need to do some reflection, as in seriously.
God, forgive me.

memories , which i'll never forget

2011-06-01T04:47:00.000-07:00

Okay, everything officially is going~~
i dunno how to describe.
AEM!! FUN!! <3
hahah, the past 3 days laugh till i cannot laugh anymore.
hahaha! the people are JOKERS.
HEH, DON'T WANN IT TO END!! :(

i feel like a fool, waiting for something though i know it will never come true. :(

i want my oldself back..

2011-05-30T05:57:00.000-07:00

i wanna be the happy, bubbly girl i used to be~

everything has changed,
changed so much that i dunno what is going on!! :(

hi bloggy~
its been long since i blog eh.
firstly, my crazy friends are off for holiday in Australia! :(
will definitely miss them!

secondly,
i am really confused and down with the situations happening in life now.
i got back my result slip.
i drop!
and is drop till cannot drop.
TIRED, DISAPPOINTED!
i guess this june holiday is there for me to buck up eh?

thirdly,
she has changed.
changed so much that i think she is becoming more like a Bitch.
sorry girl, i have no choice. ~
one advice eh, "do unto others, what you want others to do unto you" .

fourthly,
i have been so freaking busy with everything larh!!
and i officially declare myself bankrupt.
i hope yunkuan will love the present made by me and jingyi!
cheer up mummy, everything will be okay! <3
jingyi, good job eh! :P
hahah, had fun working with you, learning and laughing with you! :)

Lastly,
i am tempted to give up.
i really see no point in holding on, after all, i'm just a substitute, ain't i?
what a joke siol.
someone can mean so much to you, but you are just nothing to that person.
JOKE. :X
ya, i use to think, at least i am a substitute, better than nothing, but everything is gonna change.
i hope. -cross fingers-

2011-05-17T08:23:00.000-07:00

i never thought that this day would come.

i guess being strong, and accepting things is the only thing i can do now, right?
but i will definitely pray for a better day.
if stop liking you means things can change, den so be it. cause i really want things to change, back to before.
i shall stop, let you go.
bye ~

hahaha! i miss my chubby face! :(
but i still receive those negative comments from people.
how i wish i can block those out.
I AM PERFECT, CAUSE I GOT GOD! :)
hahah,

2011-05-08T08:50:00.000-07:00

what a fool someone can be.

ya, i get everything.
i am just a substitute for her.
ya, thanks a lot.
i don't want to care anymore.
i shall delete your number from my phone.
you are erased from my life, from my memories.
bye, asshole. :X

881 concert!

2011-04-23T21:29:00.000-07:00

2011-04-01T03:59:00.000-07:00

even the slightest thing can make you day! (Y)

TODAY IS REALLY AWESOME!!! :D
juggling course was GREAT/MAGNIFICENT!
especially for the part juggling with HIM!
hahah. ~
nervous, shivering.
but i guess the feeling is just not the same.
i dunno what i am talking!!!
HAHAH!
i agree that the smallest thing that happen can either turn your world upside down or turn your world downside up! HAHAH!
though there is a mountain high amount of homework to do,
i am still very happy!
THANKS, HIM! :D

2011-03-26T04:42:00.000-07:00

i hate everything now!!!
i really really really do!!
WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME!!
WHY CAN'T I JUST DO THINGS RIGHT.
FREAK.
I HATE MYSELF FOR BEING WHO I AM NOW.
I REALLY REALLY HATE THINGS,
EVERYTHING IS JUST NOT GOING RIGHT.
FREAK.
THIS IS SUCH AN ASSHOLE!
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
IHATEIT!IHATEIT!IHATEIT!!!
i am such a failure, everything is caused by me..
i really dunno what to do .
i really don't .
i wanna fly, fly to heaven.

2011-03-26T03:58:00.000-07:00

i have only myself to blame, and i'm sorry.

if only things can change.
not returning to the past, but to have a better future.
i know all of your are just putting on an act, to please me.
but i can tell .
but as time passes, i will prove to you my words.
and this time, it will not just be an empty promise.
i guess, all i can tell you guys is,
i'm sorry. give me time. this won't just be an empty promise i make.
this time is different. DIFFERENT!
thanks.
a tough, but new journey ahead, everything is going to change for the better! yes, i believe!

i'll go back to june holidays to make it all right..

2011-03-25T08:17:00.000-07:00

and i'll go back to ~~december~~ june, to make it all right.
I want to be happy and carefree(!)

i miss everything.
every recess with you guys.
i know, everything has change, people change.
but why?
i really still want/wish to be part of you all.
i hate myself for always getting jealous over you guys.
i'm constantly worrying that my actions, my behaviour will not please you guys.
i dunno.
i want things to change.
like before, where i was still part of your.
i dunno, i really don't.
i hate myself for constantly questioning if i am still part of your.
am i?
what am i to do...
my mind is totally confused.
i really don't know.
I WANT TO BE HAPPY! I WANT THINGS TO CHANGE!

2011-03-15T20:03:00.000-07:00

Memories~ hahah, i kinda miss them now. :)

2011-03-15T19:56:00.000-07:00

ihateyourconstantcoverups!

i'm just speechless to what has been happening all the while.
LOL.
even now, my nightmares are coming back.
okay, for the first time, i am totally afraid to sleep!
:<
sobsob

2011-03-13T18:28:00.000-07:00

smile cause you can and you deserve it.

its been long since i started blogging.
hahah.
life is really covered with lots of ups and downs.
and sometimes these things will bring you upside down.
my results seriously,
cmi; cannot make it.
ahhh :(
since its the holiday,
i shall spent this time to buck up on my studies.
HAHAH!
lalala, i really bored.
don't feel like touching on my homework.
what to do.
ps. i am crapping here!!

2011-03-05T02:49:00.000-08:00

back from leadership camp(!)

Wonderful, awesome and one of the best camps! :)
hahah,
i'm back!!!
eh, one thing about the camp is that it is really a helpful and meaningful one.
i'm sure everyone learn A LOT from the camp.
i sure did.
haha, learn how to be more confidence when speaking in front of a entire big group of people.
:)
i also learn how to display CHOICE as well as PEEE in me!
i've decided to let go of the unhappy things.
AND AND AND ...
MOVE ON!!
jiayou jiayou! :

2011-02-25T05:01:00.000-08:00

♥♥♥

I miss these 3 girls. (look up)

its been really long, i'm wondering if i'm still part of it.

hahaha! :)

but i really hope that these 3 girls will always be happy.

jiayous in your studies girls, and i really want to thank you for everything for the past 2 years!
its been really really EXTREMELY AWESOME to have you all around!!

irreplaceable people! <3

will still celebrates our birthdays together last what we have been doing for the past 2 years okay? :)

this post is specially dedicated to WAIMUN, YUNJIE, ZAWATI! :)

2011-02-25T04:15:00.000-08:00

I guess; life is totally different without you.

Nope nope,
not going to start the whole emo-ing thing once again.
~~~
HE REPLIEDDDDDDDD(!)
OMG, it meant so much to me!!!
i guess to him not at all,
but me , A LOT(!)
yipeee...
i feel really weird.
life has not been exactly what i want it to be,
so rocky .
failed 2 subjects already,
but thankful that i passed amaths despite what happened on 15 feb .
God's grace i guess.
must really buck up.
and one problem is probably because i can't let go,
and if i don't do so, i can't move on.
TNYY!
ZAI JIE ZAI LI! :)

2011-02-19T03:24:00.000-08:00

everything seems so different and lost without you around.

lots of things not done.
not in the mood to do them.
just feel like sitting down, blasting music .
totally no mood.
what's happening to me!
AHHHHH!! LOL.

2011-02-19T03:07:00.000-08:00

after so long, i still miss you a lot.

things sure have changed a lot now.
how i wish i did not do it,
and i believe that i won't be this disappointed.
hahah .

thinking day celebrations at yishun town secondary school.
their school sure is colour!
GOH, quite fun . honourable too, heh.

each time i recall those times spend with you, i can't help but to cry. not because those times were sad, but it is because i really miss those times.

2011-02-18T07:41:00.000-08:00

instead of wishing for the past, why not wish that it is happening in the present?

life with the test and stuff,
still thanking God for everything. :>
haha, i tried changing things,
but you just don't give me the chance.
i know its time to move on,
but i'm afraid i'll regret it .
if one day, you were to turn back for me, please tell me that my waiting is not in vain. and i will probably forget about everything. the wait is worth it.

2011-02-18T07:33:00.000-08:00

Just when i thought everything will change for the better... it turns out to be a greater nightmare.

valentine's day has not gone exactly well,
except for the part where i was brave enough .
haha, i really hope it won't end up in the bin .
a gift that i spend 5 hours doing ended up in vain.
hah hah .
i thought,
but i guess i was wrong.
you are just the lion that is too lazy to come out already,
after all, you found someone that can support you.
so what's the point of me waiting for you to come out.
hahah, HOW NAIVE!!!

2011-02-05T23:06:00.000-08:00

Jesus, heal me, heal my emotions, give me strength to continue on the journey of life.

i guess somethings are really not up to me to control .
like the temper, like the thinking, like the words of the people around me.
close one eye, or even close both. cover one ear, or even cover both.
hahah .
once again, tnyy tried .
putting in a lot of effort, but ended up the same results.
i guess i will not blame anyone.
i guess time is just not ripe.
hahah, continue waiting.
MIRACLES DO HAPPEN, JUST BELIEVE IN IT.

tomorrow is a brand new day, a good day ahead(!)
jiayou tnyy, jiayou everyone.
live life to the fullest. :)

2011-02-01T22:18:00.000-08:00

those were the days. united we stand, as one class.

my phone is currently crazy.
messages send by other ppl to my phone may not be received.
SIGHHHHHH(!)
but still sincerely apologise.

Chinese New Year.
yipeeeeeeee! :>
lalala,
hope to get wishes from them .
-winks-
Stay happy, strong and healthy forever. :>

2011-01-31T01:52:00.000-08:00

i guess i'm really tired of being the one resolving the conflicts between us..
It is amazing how much someone can mean the almost the world to you.

its upsetting to see how we drift away from one another as the day past.
really bad.
it is either i get hurt or you.
i choose to be the one.
those were the days, deeply hidden in the bottom of my heart, never forgetting them.
i miss you.
hahah, i wish to tell that to you in person.
hmm, maybe if miracles do happen,
i would really wish to go your house for visiting during cny.
haha.

i choose not to believe that you are that kind of person, and i believe you are not.

2011-01-30T04:57:00.000-08:00

perfections comes from the inner being.
it is hard to see, but it will be easier to feel.

maybe it was just meant to be.
i don't have the choice do i?
i can't simply give up and just leave my job there.
what to do?
life is simply this way, accept the fact, TNYY.
you may miss them,
but there is absolutely you can have them back.
you have managed to let go partially,
so jiayou.
~~~~~~~~
to pearlyn:
it is time,
i'm starting to learn the true meaning of letting go.
the process is long and tiring, upsetting too,
but after a while you will get used to it.
it may hurt badly some parts of it,
but i'm sure will be able to get pass it.
be strong.
~~~~~~~~
some people are just acting,
you don't know when they will turn their back on you,
eventually this will lead to you putting a protective shield around yourself,
causing you to not be able to fully trust them.
is this what she wants?

2011-01-29T01:28:00.000-08:00

Disappointments once again.

where did i go wrong?
why is it when i put in so much effort, nothing comes out of it?!
why is it when i do so much, it is not appreciated.
Rubbish larhhhhh....
kor ask me to look at things from a different respective.
it is simply so hard,
things are not going well for me.
for January.
i guess i'm just not good enough...
i guess i'm not up to standard.
who knows.
i really dunno what to do.
i feel so painful,
the pain.
AHHHHHHHH!!

did i do something wrong? why is it when i work so hard for something, it just turns out to be the opposite? WHYYYY?!!!?
disappointments, i guess i'm just not up to their standards, his standard.
they/he have found someone new, they have simply just forgotten about me, so does he.
look on the bright side.
they have their reasons. Sure, i would like to hear them .
WTH! X:<
maybe when i am gone, they/he will recognise my existence..

2011-01-25T04:49:00.000-08:00

i'll never seem to be able to get things going right..
why won't you give me a second chance?
those words, those sentences, do you really mean them?
hah. i'm simply just too naive, aren't i?

2011-01-23T01:28:00.000-08:00

say me selfish,
say me stubborn,
but i refuse to let go of you.
life has been totally upside down.
month of January is really tiring, really not the month.
i feel like i am holding on to a blade,
my hand is bleeding profusely,
this blade, once let go, i'm going to regret.
this blade can i either kill someone else, or kill me.
the cut is really really deep,
it hurts badly..
i have no choice, do you get it?
i really don't want to lose you,
but i really don't want you to feel bothered too.
i really dunno what to do!!!
i'm sorry.
i guess i'm weak from the start,
those crying,
those pain,
its simply describable.
its miserable.

2011-01-23T01:26:00.000-08:00

i want to be happy!
i want to let go!
but I SIMPLY CANT!
YOU MEAN TOO MUCH TO BE LET GO.

2011-01-22T11:11:00.000-08:00

am i doing it right now?

where exactly,
i'm very tired.
i want to be part of your life again.
seriously.

2011-01-21T18:34:00.000-08:00

I'm sorry, i cant be perfect.

for all the past things i have done wrong,
for everything that life has brought us,
for what has become of us,
i'm sorry.
maybe fate between us have ended.

"Maybe maybe not i really do nt know"
remember this words that you typed into my phone?
it has and will always be on my notes,
for the past 5 long and tiring months, not once have i taken it down.
the theme that you chose on my phone, not once have i changed it.
i believe when she ask me to give up on you,
i believe that my answer was simply No, i'm not going to.
because you mean so much to me.
when will things change?
when i open my eyes?
i am longing badly for a rest,
i don't want to do it anymore.
but i don't have a choice,
i really don't want to lose you,
i don't want to lose vision of you.
i really don't...
~~~~~~~
I still long to see you,
but each time i see you, i cant help but to stop myself from looking towards your direction.
i should be happy, that you still like her,
please my love, be happy going after her.
you will still be in my heart.

2011-01-20T04:06:00.000-08:00

20 january 2011.
i just want to talk to you,
i just want to have a few minutes with you.
i feel so freaking upset with everything.
i thought i was going to be fine.
waiting for him after school, after his cca.
but in the end, i got 2 words from his.
CB.
It hurts me the most when he refuse to give our friendship a chance.
it hurts me when he say those words to me,
but all i had in mind when i was following after you was to patch things up with you.
i got my hopes too high.
i dunno what to do.
i feel pathetically lost,
i feel like giving up, i'm very tired.
i hate it when i cry in front of you, and i promise i did that not to gain any sympathy from you.
i remember you calling me, asking me where you can find red straws,
i remember helping you fold a thousand hearts within 2 days.
i miss everything, i miss those times.
but worst of all i miss you.
what am i going to do now...
I cant do it.
i have got no more strength,
no more confidence to move on.
i cant. i really cant.

2011-01-20T03:53:00.000-08:00

19 december 2011.
i had a talk with her.
i felt much better after crying everything out.
i really did not know what to do.
i feel so lost,
i need a direction.
she is my motivation to do well in school now.
thank you for being there for me.

2011-01-16T03:48:00.000-08:00

i did okay, that is what i did.
What turns out is just a freaking nightmare that scares me till the stage that i am afraid to even believe in myself.
i dunno what has turn out this past 5 months.
everything has been going really really down.
except for the fact that church was really fun yesterday.
hah.
Where did i go wrong this time?
i'm really really really very tired.
physically, mentally, emotionally.
but what choice do i have?
when i go back to school tomorrow,
i still have to face everyone with a smile,
even though i really don't feel happy.
what is friendship?
what is brothers and sisters?
what is forgiveness?
how do you gain it?
with a sincere heart, with a heart filled with regret and sincerity?

i don't know how long more can i go on.
i really don't.
how long must you punish me.
i thank God that you called me.
when i saw your missed call,
what did i do?
i screamed, and i cried.

i'm hurt by the results of the call.
i'm really tired.
i dunno what to do.
i'm really confused.
what to do??!

2011-01-14T04:51:00.000-08:00

hypocrite much.
i shall not elaborate.
p.v. shall take my nonsense. haha.~

2011-01-08T03:00:00.001-08:00

Hey .
pictures that i found from my previous blog posts.
i think they are really memorable ones.
haha, i remember i use to be so chubby.
haha, and i remember that we always have fun in 1e2, 2e2.
i sure do miss e2 a lot!!
haha, first it all started in sec 1 , at the orientation camp.
had so much fun.
flying fox.~ HaHA!
den follow by many other outings like escape theme park, going for movie at lot one, class bbq, class chalet and many more.
We were so united together as a class. HAHA.
sure do miss everyone.

smile and everything around will look beautiful :>

2011-01-07T04:53:00.000-08:00

do i mean anything to you anymore?
i wanna go back to kelong. I want to feel happy, truly happy.

sometimes it is really true not to put your expectations, your confidence so high. all you get is plainly disappointments.
its them.~
am i happy or am i just ...
i really speechless.
everything is happening again.
what did i do wrong.
i have tried. nothing comes out.
do i have a choice now?
BLAH BLAH~
i am happy with what happen today, but i dunno if it is the right thing to happen.
its amazing how fate, life, coincidence can play a fool out of you.
should i be happy with it?
i dunno, i really dunno.
~
eh, i really dunno what i'm talking about.

2010-12-13T06:42:00.000-08:00

Had fun today with this group of crazy but nice women.
O.xinrui, yingxuan, alicia, pearlyn, pris and quek. :P
Hehe,
it was fun staring into the sea.
blah,
i wanna cut hair.
although today somethings may have crop up,
but i am still very thankful for this trip.
hope tomorrow's trip will be good too.~
Heheh, :>

2010-12-09T18:50:00.000-08:00

Heh, she's sticks her butt outs.
when will i truly smile happily again?

blah.
to someone.
i won't and i shall never treat you as a substitute , i promise.
------
I really really would like to truly laugh the witches' laughter,
smile like nobody's business .
but can i?
apparently, there is no reasons for me to do so.
each day, each dream , each thought.
all covered by you..
what am i to do?
i tried and i tried,
why won't you just give me, give yourself, give us, each a chance to turn things back to where it use to be.
don't you remember the good and happy times we had,
we spend on the phone.
BOO.
the sms-es ?
i still remember that time at cck library,
when me and pearlyn was doing notes.
i still remember that it was dnt .
you brought the whole big gang together with him,
came to find me.
at that time, i felt like the luckiest person.
although you dropped my pen. :(
haha, i still remember all this.
i still remember studying with you .
i did lit and you did geog.
do you remember?
i want those days back!
i had a lot of memories.
can we bring those days back?
please. i'm sorry, please forgive me.
you promise me bsfl.
Did you forget?
can we turn things around. PLEASE!
---
looking at those messages we sent to each other.
i do laugh at ourselves.
waiting for you to finish playing dota,
waiting for you to finish your game.
asking you if you are busy, have you had your dinner.
going out.
those are the memories i want.
not heartbroken memories.
whatever , however you treat me,
i still will never change anything about you.
no matter how imperfect you are,
no matter how much hurt you did to me,
you are still perfect.
forever you are.
i have known you for 10 months already.

2010-12-09T18:46:00.000-08:00

KBOX(!)
with waimun, pearlyn, yingxuan, alicia, yongyi, c.xinrui, joanne, chinlee, cheewei and wenqing.
had lots of fun,
thanks to wenqing.
i wanna go there again.
the singing, the food, the songs, the room, everything there was AWESOME!
lets go back there someday.
but this time go earlier and longer. :P

2010-12-09T18:13:00.000-08:00

the girls butt. heh.
when can i smile happily again?

I'm tired, too tired.
What is the point of holding

i don't believe in fairytales anymore~

2010-12-07T00:38:00.000-08:00

why do you bother so much when in the first place you don't even care,
don't even give a damn shit, damn thought about how i feel?
why bother much now. ~
do you even care about how i feel now?
am i even one to you?
-----------
i feel upset to see you this way,
but now i am not the one controlling things already,
its you.
can i give up?
but if i give up, i am afraid i will regret it.
you mean so much,
thats why i can't afford to let you go a stray,
i cant afford to let you suffer alone.
i rather you vent the anger, the grieve on me,
than to let yourself be so heartbroken.
believe me,
i don't hate you for what you did to me .
i don't intend to have you to forget about everything.
i just want you to know that,
if you ever need me, a listening ear, someone to give you advice,
i am there , i promise.

----------------------------------------
why once again , when i am about to forget about you,
must you appear in my life again?!
i really want to hate you,
but i CAN'T!
i am tired of having those feelings for you,
I AM TIRED.
FK. :X
why must you bring me up at the start and bring me all the way down a few moments later.
why am i always thinking of you?
fk, i really wish i had a brain washer.
those memories, i doubt you even remember them, i doubt you even remember me.

2010-12-01T07:26:00.000-08:00

I AM F.ING TIRED(!)
i doubt i have the courage and the strength to move on..
must you all push me into the corner?
is it funny, it is fun?
F. off.
not once, not even 1 pathetic day have i been enjoying my holidays.
because of you all.
i am tired.
what do you two want me to do?
kill me.
~~
i just thought that finally,
when i reach december,
anticipating for 17 december,
everything will change for the better.
but what is happening to me now.
i thought 1 december will be a day i will remember,
finally smiling and laughing.
but I WAS WRONG.
i really wished and hoped that i did not see what i saw.
nothing's going to change now.
stop pushing me further.
I AM F.ING TIRED, EXHAUSTED. I REALLY DON'T WANNA CONTINUE. BUT I HAVE TO. CAUSE TO ME, YOU ALL ARE SO IMPORTANT. BUT TO YOU ALL, I AM LIKE SHIT.
WTF!
i am tired of shedding more and more tears for you all.
i probably have already cried a river.

2010-11-30T16:35:00.000-08:00

I'm not happy at all!
3 months straight!
I'm very tired of doing what i am doing.
why is it that i can just forget about everything and go out trying to talk to you,
and you just giving me this kind of respond.
didn't you say that you miss the june holidays?
Why cant you simply make this holiday into another june holiday?
you are just not giving me a chance.
i f.ing admit that i am wrong.
but i really have already paid for the price this 3 months.
do you want me to jump off the building or die in front of you, before you can forgive or even talk to me or even REPLY my SMS?
is that what you want me to do?!
I can tell you that within the 3 months that i tried,
i really had confidence of winning you back,
but now i don't even have the confidence, the courage to move on with my own life, to even start on my homework.
is this what you want me to do, what you want me to become?
I am very tired.
when i was really at the bottom, i continue trying to get you to at least talk to me,
i thought you will be there for me like how i was there for you in the past , in the present..
i thought wrong..
just when i really need someone there for me, last time, now, finding for you frantically, you were not there, YOU WEREN'T .
the number of tears i cried, i thought i still mean some importance to you.
but it is a wrong thinking.
i'm tired.
to almost my world you mean to me, but nothing to your world i mean.
~~~~
scold me stupid, scold me dumb.
i am still not going to give you up.
you may be with other girls, you may have one in your mind, heart or whatever.
but i don't expect anything in return.

2010-11-29T04:14:00.000-08:00

who are we trying to kid.
i really tried very hard.
i find it very stupid.
when people needs me, i am always there for them .
when they don't need me, they cast me aside.
when i need them, they are nowhere to be found.
WHAT IS THIS CRAP.
----
i am tired of trying.
i tried calling, sms-ing,
F.
what is the point of waiting ,
waited the whole day, waited the whole night.
forget it.
i thought that you would be touch someday,
i thought that i still have a place in you.
i am tired of paying for what i did wrong.
if i am in the wrong, i am sorry.
but now i am really very exhausted.
i feel that you can kill me now.
i dunno how to move on.
------
thanks,
hope you settle your family problems already.
girl, i really miss chatting on the phone with you.
i'm sorry about the...
hah, apparently i should not have demand so much.

there is always a rainbow after every storm.
is it going to show, is the rainbow going to show yet.
if its not time, it means that the storm is not over.
when will it be oveR?
WHEN?

2010-11-26T21:26:00.000-08:00

after all,
i am just someone that does not have any importance in your heart.
is that what you really want me to think?
i am tired, really really tired.

2010-11-23T06:18:00.000-08:00

Its the 19th day.
i tried sms-ing you, but no reply.
Hah,
i used to think i still have a little bit of "importancy" in your mind,
apparently i am wrong. (hopefully i am right...)
got the news from one of your best friend apparently. :X
how i wished i did not talk to him,
how i wished i was still kept in the dark.
I HATE MYSELF NOW.
nothings going right for me,
I HATE THE THINGS ARE GOING RIGHT NOW.
do i have the chance to kill myself,
apparently i wont have the courage to do so.
WTH!
i feel that my world is going to crash down on me,
but according to TNYY (not me) , the things i am facing is not that serious as compared to the ppl in korea.
pray for them, as well as pray for minxuan's safety.
Minxuan, brother, please be safe. :)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
saw you yesterday.
yes, both.
did not know how to react,
all i could do was simply run.
wad a coward i am. :(
i am so disappointed in myself. :X
I miss sms-ing you, i miss going to plaza with you, i miss everything with you.
hah,
its going to be hard to forget you two,
but i don't want to.
i believe in miracles,
i believe that if i wait long enough,
my wishes will come true.

2010-11-19T04:11:00.000-08:00

N.
today is the 14th day.
you mean a lot to me.
as in everything.
i dunno how, but i hope that before my bday,
we will be okay. :)

P.G. Superwoman.
everything will be okay one.
don't care about the rubbish, the nonsense people say about you.
they are simply just childish.
just ignore them okay?
i am there for you, i know that you are not what they say of you. so ignore them!
chill! :) <3

Alicia. Twinneh.
i am sorry about it,
thanks for being willing to have hth talk with mememe.
hmm, i promise this kind of things won't happen again,
but this period, please understand me, i am facing way too much.
if anything i hope that you will be there for me. :)

L.YX Secret lover!
Where are you now?
I am totally missing you so much now,
where ever you are, i hope that you are having fun.
remember my presents hor!
how i wish you were in singapore,
i got thousand of things to tell you.
hurry, come back.
<3! :)

Wm, Yj, Z.
hey girls.
its been very long since we really have a great talk together.
there may be some unhappy things between us,
but i really hope we can settle it.
i promise i will change.
i love all the times we spend together, including your sarcasm.
thanks for being there for me! <3
will talk soon, :)

2010-11-17T06:12:00.000-08:00

public holiday today.

novena (with family) to lot one (with pearlyn) to home.

at that time, i really wish you were by my side. i cried.

hah.

thanks pearlyn for the wonderful evening you spent with me,

listening me pouring out everything out to you.

Its the 13th day.

i am really really missing you so much.

i remember and i can't forget about the times we spent.

I WANT TO JUNE HOLIDAYS BACK BADLY.

it is hard to control myself not to sms you.

are you feeling the same way?

i still believe in God, i still believe that miracles will happen,

and i still believe that you still remember me, the times we spent, the messages, me comforting you, giving you advice.

forgive me, i am truly sorry, i truly regret my actions, my behaviour.

please...

2010-11-17T06:00:00.000-08:00

WHAT IS THE FREAKING PROBLEM THAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
are you out to make me jealous and upset?
are you out to boast to me that you and that person is on very good terms?
not only to me, but to apparently EVERYONE!
that is why i refuse to tellyou everything, that is why i rather not meet you!
many many many a times i try to close one eye to the things you do to upset me, thinking that you will be sensitive like always, even to the slightest issue, but i WAS WRONG! I WAS WRONG!
i treat you as a very good friend, very good sister,
but is this how you treat me back?! IS THIS!
trying to get close to the people that is VERY IMPORTANT to me,
i dunno if i am right, but you are apparently having the motive to make me jealous, make me made and make me feel that you are snatching everyone away from me..
first is my girls den him? who is next? my family?
OH WHATEVER!
fuck.
is this what i get for being there for you always?
is this what i get for trying to forget everything that you have done wrong to me?
you said that you dislike me for somethings, i change.
but if i told you, would you?
i thought i made it really obvious in front of you?
you want to have connections with them,
please GET OUT OF MY SIGHT, DON'T TELL ME ANYTHING, I WOULD SINCERELY APPRECIATE IT!

2010-11-15T10:06:00.000-08:00

the 11th day.
time really passes,
i really miss those great times with you.
life have been spinning around in circles for a long long time,
3 months straight, lots of downs, when am i gonna go up?
i feel really exhausted,
but i tell myself not to give up,
cause i really am missing you so much,
and my only way to cure it is to continue praying and believing that miracles do happen.
i have let go.
as you walked past me today, glance at my direction,
i could not help it but to look back, but in the end deciding to look away.
i am already trying really hard,
trying my best, but i cant make it unless you open up the doors.
open up the doors, give another chance, for you and for me, give another chance to change things.
i can sense and i know that you still remember the times we spent,
the times we had so much fun together,
and i know you miss those times, so do i .
i miss those times and i also miss you.
each time i close my eyes, all the memories of you comes flashing..
what about you?
everyone, including me deserves another chance don't they?
changing myself to suit the needs of the people is not what i am going to do,
but changing myself to become a much better but at the same time still me is what i am going to do.

2010-11-15T04:39:00.000-08:00

I really don't know how to move on. :X
I saw you in school today, but i have to act like i didn't. I dunno what is up with me.
Yingxuannnnn!!! <3
i really am missing you so much, even when i was in camp.
I know you do too, cause you are like sms-ing me several times when i was in camp.
THANKS!
I really will MISS YOU!
Korea, have fun there okay!
and when you are back, HEHE! i will be way ahead of you in our studies. :P
thanks for being there for me, through the very rough period of my life.
thanks for being there for me, when i really need it.
In you, i really know what is t.f.
HAHAH!
i want to talk to you on the phone late at night, like everyday.
talking to you on the phone is really nice,
pouring out everything to you,
you pouring out everything to me.
I love midnight chats with you so much!
I will continue watching the show, tell you the story okay? :)
thanks for the encouraging messages that you send.
I will be strong, so must you.
Don't worry too much about that stupid guy , if he is not worthy of you, let him go.
:) you deserve much better, i am serious.
I really thank God for you.
please come back soon! cause i really got lots of things to tell you!
MISS YOU SO MUCH!!!!
but i just want to tell you, have fun in Korea,
come back to singapore, we will have our study date.
I LOVE YOU, LIM YING XUAN! :)

2010-11-09T02:43:00.000-08:00

2010-11-09T02:38:00.000-08:00

MAMA!!! I miss you so much!! :)
Hopefully i can see you soon!
HEHEH! :) :)
Love, balloon

2010-11-09T02:33:00.000-08:00

I miss you so much girl! :)

when can i meet you again? :)

please contact me!

I am missing you so much!

HEHEH!

i believe i am going to make a decision soon,

and i believe i want you to be the first one to know!

HEHEH!

2010-11-09T02:26:00.000-08:00

I wanna go back to the start of the year! :(

I miss 2E2'10 already! :(

can we turn time back? please!!! :)

2010-10-29T05:19:00.000-07:00

To you, with sincerity.
no matter what happens to us,
i still really am happy to have you in my life.
i think i am the most fortunate person.
and i am sure that we are shocked on how well we can communicate with one another.
from talking in school, to talking on the phone until 1 plus 2 plus at night. and pouring out to one another.
not once have i deleted any message that i send you,
i still believe that you still regard me as something.
i am sure that you may **** me now ,
but i am willing to wait,
wait for you to change the way you feel.
i always thought that by apologising to you, everything would be okay.
but now i finally know that i thought wrong.
and i really hope that you would give me a chance to explain.
i really am sorry. :)

2010-10-29T05:14:00.000-07:00

i trust God, i have faith in him.
and i believe that he will see me through this tough period.
and i believe that he can do miracles.

I am tired. :X
pearlyn,
can i just bang my head and die?
SIGH!
i am not doing things right , aren't i?
~~~
i am willing to try once again,
no matter how hard it will be.
because i know that perseverance is also a virtue, is it?

everything is starting to change.
bad things are just pouring for the whole of october.
not once i see something good.
what am i to do?
hopefully September would be a much better month.
but no matter what, i still thank God for October.

2010-10-28T02:09:00.000-07:00

I am sure going to miss 2E2'10 so much.
we are like so close now, asking us to separate is a very cruel thing.
the bond between us is already there, will always be there and i am sure will remember each moment we spend together.
Although there may be bad times, but i am sure we had more good times as compared to bad times right?
HAHAH! .
But where ever we may be, i wish everyone good luck and success in their studies.
Lets strive for a better year, better results! :)

2010-10-24T04:31:00.000-07:00

BLAH.
My blood related eldest brother.
Cheer up okay.
everything is gonna be okay.
although i may act like i dont care,
but i want you to know that that is because i dunno how to counsel you...
Sorry, i just find it too awkward.
what ever you may be facing, just commit them onto the Lord.
God will always be there to help you.
God loves you. :)

2010-10-22T03:19:00.001-07:00

i dunno if you are doing what you doing now as a replacement of another thing,
or you really mean it.
kor, i really want you to be happy.
if going with that girl makes you happy,
if going with that girl is what you really love,
at the same time not thinking about another,
i really wish you happiness.
but listen to your own heart carefully.
don't make the wrong decisions, my dear brother.
dont hurt the girl and dont hurt yourself.
just remember that i am always there for you,
like what you always did.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
i just find that person/people very IDIOTIC and they totally have NO LIFE!
get to you sense can?
WHATEVER!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I know that i cant continue doing what i am doing.
i know that from the start it was a wrong thing to like you.
HAH.
what an idiot i am.
i guess i will let time heal everything.
my hands, my mind and heart are aching to talk to you, sms you.
but i know i can.
CONTROL TNYY!
OSG... m.y.g.

2010-10-15T07:22:00.000-07:00

9 October 2010
is everything gonna be over?
hope not.
is life now always going down down down.
when will it change its direction.
i thought what goes up must go down.
den shouldn't what goes down must come up?
do i still have the faith to believe in you?
i guess i shall persevere and believe in God.
yeah.
sixth day, will i continue to keep counting.
i hate it when the numbers are increasing.
but do i have the choice.
its not me,
there is nothing i can do to change it right?
Yeah, i will just admit to fate. HAH.
1 day, not been talking to you.
Life has been terrible.
i want to go church.
run away from everything.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
do i still believe in miracles?
LALALA.
B.
please, i want things to return back to normal.
please.
P.
if i had the choice,
i will change the way i feel for you now.
P.G.
Cheer up okay.
everything is gonna be okay.
gonna be alright.
lets face things bravely together.
settle it all at once.

2010-10-14T07:17:00.000-07:00

To pearlyn:

I just want you to know that everything is going to be okay.

regardless of what kind of storm you facing in life,

i will be there to hold on to you, help you.

I will always be there babe. :)

and i want you to know that no matter how much problems i am facing,

i will always make time for you,

for you! :)

9 october 2010.

we stop talking.

its been almost a week.

plainly because i am afraid to.

what a joke ,

i thought that we would turn up fine together.

if i had this choice,

i rather we be like last time,

happily talking through sms, msn and on the phone.

i will be absolutely contented with that.

but unfortunately,

not happening.

i should not have done it.

i feel like a retard doing so...

i have just gotten myself out of those mess,

now i am jumping into it again.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME! :X

fifth day, how long more can i survive?

its happening again...

2010-10-10T22:38:00.000-07:00

the previous one took me exactly half a year to get over,

and now when i just got over it, it happens again.. -.-

HAIZ(!)

i wish i am blinded to the c.y.

i do not want to see the c.y. for a period of time,

may be i will be much better..

at first, i was really excited to see you, but i dunno why,

i have to stop reacting this way yeah.

its hard, but i am trying.

i just noticed that recently i have been seeing lots of y. things that i never noticed before.

my house got lots of y. stuff, never noticed before. and now i am starting to notice it.

i want to clear all the y. things in my house.

things that would remind me of u...

i need to let you find your own happiness, please, stop appearing in front of me..

i am extremely tired of avoiding you, tired of trying to stop myself from looking at you.

i tried my very best, but no matter what, i CANT!

WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME(!) i cant seem to forget about it...

HAIZ(!)

what to do...

i can only just keep running away and avoiding you..

2010-10-09T07:56:00.000-07:00

hope later we will be able to solve everything. :)

~~TODAY WAS AWESOME(!)~~

~~i chase him!!~~

AHHH!!, mad woman.

HAHAH!

(haniff and pearlyn should know)

just now totally depressed...

dunno why.

i tell you i becoming SZB le.

HAH.

i really hope that he will give me a chance...

since ppl always say that we should always be given a chance.

Please.

still remember the times we spend together.

thank you so much Pearlyn.

your words of comfort means a lot to me.

i needa settle with that stupid boy. HAHAH

thanks, you too . DETERMINATION!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!

PEARLYN. superwoman.

hope you will be touched by the surprise present i have for you.

thought for a super long time .

and and and,

thank you so much for always being there for me and my nonsense.

HAHA, had so much fun.

go out after exam.

Superman,

stay strong, determined, pretty and nice.

HEHE, forever behind you

HAPPY BIRTHDAY.

Twinneh, Alicia

although we have thousands of fight,

but in the end we manage to patch up.

thanks to meeeee!! :P:P

looking forward to more nice and happy times.

Have fun, stay happy, cute and nice. :)

HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY.

2010-09-19T01:12:00.001-07:00

Its so tiring pleasing you.
what ever i do i have to worry about this, worry about that.
WHAT THE!!! -.-

Tomorrow:
Science and home econs practical test!
O.O
Tuesday:
Maths, Geography and more maths test!
O.O
Wednesday:
History test!
O.O

To someone:
Thanks a million! <3

To superwoman/Pearlyn.G:
Please reply! I really want to know somethings. not the CC, but another thing.
tonight or so i call you. :)

2010-09-15T04:27:00.000-07:00

i still gave in to temptation of using the comp.
i am sorry.

yea.
sometimes, it is really hard to hide your feelings.
when you are really upset in the inside, but you do not want to disappoint your love ones, you will eventually act like you are really happy. but in the inside, you are not.
it is super hard to do that.
HAH,
life is really going down down down.
but i thank God for it.
what a learning experience.
i am patiently waiting for EOY exams to end,
and i promise i will not run away anymore.
run away from reality.
i will settle everything.
so... till that day comes,
i will simply just concentrate on my studies.
jiayou.

2010-09-14T06:31:00.000-07:00

posts strike off.
what a day i have today.
HAH,
lots of things happen,
one which is really hard to handle.
shall not talk about it..

anyway, last post until the end of EOY.
going MIA.
bye.